Miss Independent, Get Off Your High Horse and Let Us Carry You

The marriage rate in the U.S. is already bad but believe it or not the newly popular "Miss Independent" is making it much worse. No, this isn't an attack on women nor is it to say that Black men haven't done their part to hurt the Black family but one of the above has become an accepted trend. And that trend is the overly-independent-in-your-face-Tyler Perry-type-woman which, sadly actually exists. Is she the only obstacle in forming strong families? No, not even close but it is the only one we gladly hold up as if it has no negative side effects. And they are as follows:

#1 According to John Gray author of Mars and Venus, men have a primary need to be need by a woman. The overly independent woman needs no man and boasts it proudly. She has her own car, house, money, etc. On its own that's fine, there is nothing wrong with being a grown woman. The problem comes in when a man, a real man needs to be a man. Which includes opening doors, paying for dates and being the provider. When she does not allow him to do that he becomes a boy and boys have no business with grown women.

#2 Recently BET and the Tom Joyner Morning Show have open congratulated and awarded single mothers. By doing such it indicates that single parenthood is a trophy, something that should be obtained and it shouldn't. Yes single mothers can raise children, my mother did before she remarried but that is not something we should hold up. Why don't we award young couples that have been married 5-10 years or married couples that put their kids through college. If that were the case don't you think more people would strive for it? Yea, 50% of all marriages end in divorce but that also means 50% succeed so these couples do exist.

#3 Currently there is no balance in the media. As it stands we are so caught up in up lifting Black women with programs like Black Girls Rock that little Black boys have nothing positive in the media to strive for. It should be equal. I liked the idea of the program but couldn't help but wonder, "Does anyone appreciate Black men enough to say that we rock too?" Think about it. According to Wall Street Journal last year there are only 900,000 Black men in college to 1.4 million Black women and we won't even get into the discussion of graduation rates. Black men need encouragement too because without it, these strong women will end up with weak men and the cycle will continue.

We must realize that there is a cause and effect to everything we buy, watch and listen to. None of the conditions that we face today are by chance alone. When we start to pay attention to the causes of our dilemma rather than the effects, perhaps then we can be more proactive in ending them altogether.

Treat the cause, not the symptoms.

                                                     My beautiful sister and I.